Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Eve

I have never been a fan of New Year's Eve celebrations. It is feels, to me, like a made up excuse to get drunk, do silly things that cause regret the next day, and forces people to act cheery and ridiculously happy when they really aren't. The idea of celebrating the end of a year seems somehow silly. To celebrate the start of the new year by having dinner with family and friends on New Year's Day feels better somehow. I am fortunate that Terry is not a big fan of the fake frivolity of New Year's Eve. So tonight we will have a nice dinner, maybe watch a movie and probably be asleep before 10.

What we are celebrating right now is that we are going to be grandparents. Our wonderful daughter is having a baby. We have known for a couple of weeks, and keeping it a secret has been exhausting. So now that we can tell people, it has somehow become more real and way more exciting. Grandparents. How cool is that? This is an honor and joy I never thought would come my way. Of course, I am way too young to be a grandmother, but I'll adjust. A baby in 2009. Now that's something to celebrate!

Monday, December 29, 2008

December 29th

As the year winds down, I find myself thinking of the typical New Year's resolutions that I have made over the years -- most of which have been broken by the 6th of the month. This year is somehow different -- I am looking to the new year to bring new hope (we have had an amazing life lesson in the election of our new President) and new commitment. I won't be making a list of promises this New Year's eve -- but just commit to being a better person -- and if that means being nicer to people or nicer to myself 0r more at peace with myself then that is resolution enough. Not a specific lists of things I won't be doing -- but one thing I will.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Boxing Day

We had a wonderful holiday yesterday. I think getting off to a good start on Christmas Eve helped. We were both relaxed and I managed not to put pressure on myself to get everything right. Because we were stepping away from what we usually do, or have done on holidays, it felt easier. I've spent most of my life trying to make everyone else happy (at times that has taken quite a toll) and have continued it around the holidays. Being raised Christian I had memories, both good and bad, of the Christmas holidays. When I converted to Judaism I tried to bring some of those holiday traditions, without the religious overtones (although the older I get the more commercialized the holidays seem). I have tried to keep Christmas special for our daughter, who is Christian, but this year it was just Terry and I. Now the old standard joke is that Jews order Chinese food on Christmas or go to the movies. Well, we didn't get the Chinese food, but we did watch movies. And it was wonderful.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve

well, Terry and I started our own tradition, finally. For years we have tried to accommodate my recollections of what the Holidays used to be (though the reality is very different from what I would like to remember) , and her family's lack of traditions, and our daughter's recollections of her Christmas's past. This year we spent the day home alone, though our daughter did drop by to give us some holiday cookies. Mostly we did silly little chores and I sat starting at the tv in anger 'cause there was no NCIS marathon. But this evening we had our new tradition -- we had a lobster dinner, just us, while watching a movie on dvd. And the rest of the evening will be spent watching more movies, or playing on our computers, and just being in a good space. This feels right. And tomorrow we'll have a nice dinner, of what we want, not what we used to, or should have. And we'll spend the day in our jammies watching L Word on dvd. Maybe we're finally getting it right. Or maybe it's I'm finally getting it right. You can't really combine the old with the new. The past with the present. Today with tomorrow. I have to let go of looking for the Leave It To Beaver life, and relish what I have. I have a lot.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Day Two

Ok, I've managed to keep this up for, wow, two days now. I obssessed all night about what to write about, how much info to share, is some stalker going to find me, who am I going to piss off. The usual types of things that occupy my mind.

I am back at work and trying to clean up some stuff. Everyone here appears to be in the pre-Christmas crankies. The holidays tend to put so much stress and strain on people. I am always wondering why we put ourselves through it. Terry and I have decided to do a very low profile holiday. Sit around all day in our jammies, eat some great food, and watch dvd's all day. I did buy us two games to play on Christmas -- Battleship and Risk. (are you sensing a theme here) Our daughter is on call for the holiday so we had our holiday dinner with her last week, so it is just us and the boys.

So many of our friends have lost beloved family members this year and watching their pain is hard. We wish them peace and know there is nothing we can say to help. Hopefully, they just know they are in our thoughts.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Day One

Well, I am finally leaping into the world of blogging. I am an expert at stream of consciousness thinking, but do not have the discipline to journal. My journal is always in a different spot than I am, and by the time I find it, I've completely forgotten what I was thinking. If I could only have one attached to my wrist that might work. But I spend so much time at my computer, thought this might be the way to go. Actually my partner, who just started her blog, suggested I give it a try, and since I am always so obedient --

called in sick to the office today. we have had two major snowstorms in the last couple of days, and today the roads were icy and my relatively new hip was aching. So home I stayed.

so I am left with only two days to work this week. Think I can manage that.