well, the comments from the Kalmars and descendents about addictions have been interesting. I think there is a whole lot of truth to the genetic flaw theory, but also truth to the we do what we see. We live the way our parents lived. We cope the way they coped -- or not. We find ways to destroy our bodies in very similar ways -- though the drug of choice may be different. I am not a 12 stepper. Have been through two years of meetings of O.A. and though the results were very positive in terms of weight loss, as soon as I stopped the very regimented plan I was on, the weight came back. And the compulsive eating returned. I think my problem with the 12 step program was the whole higher power thing. Yeah, I get it, the higher power can be anyone or anything you choose. But my groups were so totally supreme being focused, that that piece didn't work for me. Feeling that some higher power had the time to worry about whether I ate a doughnut or not just didn't seem like the thing a higher power should waste his/her time on. That's my own stuff. If the 12 steps works for you, fantastic. I'm a firm believer in if it works for you, to hell with what someone else may think about your recovery journey.
For me, for right now, I am trying to do some stuff about when my addictions act up, and what is going on at the time. Figuring out what I have been doing when I feel strong. Am I finding ways to handle stress or whatever in a positive way. Some times I feel it's the whole bad girl thing. This is what I shouldn't be doing, let's see if I can get away with it. Who the hell gets cheated in that scenario?
My PSW
2 years ago
Posts
Damn girl there were a lot of questions in that post. I used because I didn't like the way/who I was. But I was always fascinated by it. From an early age I used what ever I could. @ Rick's wedding I found sugar packets, I stuffed them in my mouth by the handful. In Third grade a Drug Education Officer showed us a display board with all sorts of drugs and pills pasted on it, the memory of excitedly wondering what each one was, how they would make me feel, the first time I drank I drank till I puked. These are the clearest memories I have. I was born an addict.
ReplyDeleteAs for 12 stepping, I too had a hard time with God. Then one day someone asked me a question, "Ray, has anything ever happened to you which caused you to say God was looking out for you. Ever have something not happen to you that by all rights should have ?" Well yea of course it has. He told me. "Well what do you think that was...... Luck ?" I knew it wasn't. " Ray, you don't have to name it, you don't have to put it in a box. Whatever it was, that is your higher power"
To this day I have still not named it. I can't define it. It was there when I was doing everything I could to ignore, to go against it. Now that I was paying attention why would it leave...
In many ways I am happy that I am addicted to drugs (and women, old tools, sex, ...) and not food. I can't imagine have to do one hit of crack, and ONLY ONE, three times a day....
Love ya Cuz....
>>> YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER ????? I DIDN'T KNOW !!!! What's her name ? How old is she ? Oh.. and congratulations
ReplyDeleteAs you can see from my blogs my "faith" or "belief system" has wandered all over the map. For right now, this day, I am just believing in people and their energy and their spirit. For tomorrow, who knows. Part of my difficulty with the whole God concept was watching people I knew who so fully believed in God and forced that belief on everyone around them, especially their children, and lived pretty rotten mean lives. And watching the hatred that the Christian right has espoused for so many years. Hatred in the name of God just doesn't work for me. Oh, it's easy to say they misinterpret the scriptures, but there are so many of them. They scare the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteYes, we have a daughter. Terry and I adopted a daughter when she was full grown, working, and housebroken. She is an amazing woman and we love her to pieces. And yes, we are going to be grandparents. How cool is that?
That is just way to cool. You girls rock !!
ReplyDelete(I use the word god because it is shorter then Higher power great spirit etc.)
I agree with your thoughts on religion. I was a born again Christian at one point in my life. The biggest breakthrough I had on my spritual journey was separating Religion from 'God'.
Religion is when a human being gets between you and 'god'. Spirituality is when you have a personal direct connection.